This Year

I was sitting on my couch reading "Our Bodies, Ourselves" wearing a high waisted skirt, tights, and a cardigan - a variation on my usual dress/sweater/tights/boots combo. My hair was cut short at a recent trip to the barber, and I was looking forward to literature classes at NYU and an internship at the New York Daily News. I was somewhere between putting on my Doc Martins and reading a new Entertainment Weekly when I realized I had finally made it. I am finally the girl I hoped to be at this point in my life. I'm studying what I love, I have (unpaid but resume-building) work lined up, and I go to a prestigious school in the most wonderful city on earth. Plus, I've created my own personal style, which is just as important as anything - no one pities the well-dressed. And, thanks to certain feminist tumblr body acceptance movements (who knew?), I've finally made peace with my body, and that's given me more confidence than I ever hoped to have. This is a good time in my life. Everything is great. With one notable exception.

I'm not writing enough.

I expected that by 2012 I'd be churning out masterpieces, but instead I'm sitting in my pajamas at 2 PM watching Naruto on Netflix. And this is no one's fault but my own. I have not been practicing. Writing is like marathon running or painting or fixing computers, or anything that isn't riding a bicycle - you need to do it regularly or you'll lose your touch. And once you aren't as connected to your art, and once the muscle memory goes away, it gets harder and harder to get back into it. And the harder it is, the more cartoons you watch and the less stuff gets done. And you create a new pattern without your art, and it slowly phases out of your life. Which sucks. So, this year I'll write more. I will. I'm already halfway there with my creative writing classes, but I need to feel the push to write even when deadlines don't loom and teachers don't remind me to work. One thing I've learned in my short period in the Professional World is that those who start passion projects are the ones who are ultimately successful in the end. Those who put their ideas in motion, instead of worrying about whether they'll be a waste of time before they're even begun (like I do) are the people who end up with fulfilling careers and pride in their work. I'm a coward - I would rather be told what to do than think of something on my own, simply because I'm so afraid of failing. And that's no way to live, especially when I know I have good ideas and opinions. This year I will start more projects. And I will write. Maybe in here, maybe elsewhere, but I will write at least once a day. Even if I don't produce anything spectacular, I'll at least be back in practice.